“I Have No Personality” - Reasons Why and What to Do About It (2023)

“I never allow myself to explore and try new things, to build close emotional relationships, or to talk to new people. I struggle with low self-confidence and worrying about what other people may think. I feel like I don’t have any opinions to share. When I’m around others, I feel stunted, numb, powerless, and disconnected.”

If you can relate to this and would like to develop your personality but are not sure how, this guide gives you the tools to develop a more interesting personality and engage in more stimulating conversations.

Signs you may have no personality

Everyone can develop a captivating social personality while staying true to themselves, but it comes more naturally to certain people than to others. If you question whether you have a dry personality, consider if you have experienced these scenarios:

  • Do you struggle with showing an understanding of things from various perspectives, making light of a situation, and making jokes that other people genuinely find amusing?
  • Do you often feel blank, emotionless, and speak in a monotone?
  • Do you tend not to have your own opinions and just follow along?
  • Do you tend to be negative and bored?
  • Do you feel blank, and as though you do not have anything to contribute?

Why do I have no personality?

When we doubt ourselves, we tend to feel reserved, helpless, and weak. We may become silent, disconnected, or passive as we retreat into our shells to avoid undesirable situations and interactions with others.

We may feel vulnerable and our bodies may shut down to protect us emotionally, which then exacerbates our insecurities and inhibitions. Here are a few reasons why we may struggle with letting our personalities shine:

(Video) Why You Have No Personality

  • We tend to ground our self-worth in how we think others see us. If we were mocked and bullied when we were younger, then we may feel like people look down on us, even decades later.
  • You might have labeled yourself as awkward or inadequate and may have a hard time getting out of that role.
  • Perhaps you put other people on pedestals, meaning, you elevate their status but not yours. This can lead to following others and being too afraid to walk your own path.
  • Feeling intimidated by others. Our confidence fluctuates throughout the day according to what we are doing, where we are, who we are with, and how comfortable we feel being our authentic selves. Our confidence particularly wanes around people we want to impress or who we feel are judging us.
  • Depression can make us think negatively about ourselves and lack the motivation to do things or engage with others.

How to develop your personality

From watching youtube videos to taking an improv acting class, there are various ways to help you grow. You need to identify what works best for you. Whenever you feel yourself holding back, pause, and remember how you will feel if you were to achieve your goals. It will be uncomfortable, but by growing your self-confidence, living more passionately, partaking in activities you enjoy, and sharing the spotlight, you can improve your personality and live a more fulfilling life.

Here’s how to get a more attractive, fascinating personality:

1. Learn methods to overcome self-doubt

Your anxiety may cause you to overthink and become self-conscious. Our negative thoughts often stem from core beliefs that we have had about ourselves ever since we were children and form the lenses through which we perceive ourselves, others, and situations today.

Self-doubt can make us less motivated to socialize, live our best lives, and develop our personalities. Instead, to help you become more confident:

  • Dig deeper into the reasons behind your feelings and thoughts. Reflect on why you feel your emotions, think your thoughts, and behave the way you do.
  • Create a list of ten qualities you love about your life and ten things about your life that you are thankful for. Continue to review and add to this list every day. Whenever you doubt yourself, turn to this list.
  • Prioritize your own self-care so that you will feel more comfortable in the spotlight.
  • Stop comparing yourself to others. We each have our own stories, journeys, and purpose.

2. Connect with like-minded people

Consider joining Meetup.com, Facebook, and other social groups of people who share similar interests and who understand you. Practice engaging your new friends in conversations and enjoy your hobbies together.

See our guide on how to find like-minded people.

(Video) Therapist Reacts: "I am too boring for other people."

3. Take initiatives

Become more assertive, respectfully take up more space, and take action even when you do not want to. Start sharing and going up to people to strike conversations, rather than waiting for them to come to you.

4. Share what’s on your mind

If you are held back by worrying about what others may think, try sharing what’s on your mind, even if it’s uncomfortable. Other people may want to know your thoughts and opinions. It is okay to respectfully disagree as that is what helps broaden perspectives. If it feels scary, take small steps:

“I really like this song.”

“I am excited to….”

5. Make your conversations more interesting

“I’m boring. How can I make my conversations more interesting?”

Conversations are about bonding, talking, and listening. You may find it difficult to get past the small talk and keep other people emotionally and intellectually engaged. So, after the person you would like to chat with responds to your initial statement, then try asking open-ended questions that encourage them to talk about themselves. For example, you may consider beginning the open-ended questions with:

(Video) The Narcissists -No Personality-🤐

  • What was the best part of…
  • What was the hardest part about…
  • How did you feel about…
  • How did you know…
  • What surprised you about…
  • Why do you want…
  • What was it like to…

Pay close attention to what they are telling you. It’s rare to have someone truly listen, and it helps you stand out. When they’re done sharing, convey your thoughts and reflections about what they said. This helps them paint a picture of you.

This type of back-and-forth conversation has been shown to make conversations more engaging and increase closeness.[1]

Read our article on how to not be boring and how to make interesting conversation.

6. Practice your storytelling skills

When you share stories, are the stories long-winded, do you get off track, repeat yourself, or blank out?

(Video) Having No Personality?

This can be difficult for other people to follow, and they may become bored. Pay attention to if they seem engaged or if they are simply nodding to be polite. Accepting that you may have a boring or dry personality is half the battle. It is also essential to understand why that is the case and then to work on developing yourself.

Here are a few other ideas to help you share compelling stories.

7. Acknowledge that you want to change

Here’s an exercise to help you gauge your progress: take three deep breaths in and out to relax. Close your eyes. Meditate and reflect on how you are feeling right now. If you read this article and agreed with some of the signs mentioned, that is wonderful. That means you are ready to accept that you are not living your best life. Accepting your current situation is an important first to change, and you can now set up your goals:

8. Create personality goals

Consider the qualities you admire about other people’s personalities. Create goals for yourself related to what you will do to develop your personality.

(Video) Are You a Person With No Personality

  • Reflect and create opinions about what you hear, feel, see, and do.
  • If you wish to expose yourself to new perspectives, then try beginning with watching movies and shows outside your comfort zone, listening to hilarious podcasts, reading books and magazines, or talking to people you otherwise would not have.
  • Embrace gratitude, remind yourself that you are worthy, and love yourself to build your self-confidence.
  • Practice your new communication and social skills by going up to people, calling old friends, and meeting new groups.


Why do I think I have no personality? ›

One common problem people who feel like they have no personality face is that they give way too much emphasis on what others are thinking about them. If that's you, then you need to stop doing that. You might not have enough confidence to get out there and express yourself.

Is it normal to feel like you don't have a personality? ›

Many people have a passing experience of depersonalization or derealization at some point. But when these feelings keep occurring or never completely go away and interfere with your ability to function, it's considered depersonalization-derealization disorder.

What is a person with no personality called? ›

wishy-washy. zestless. commonplace. middle-of-the-road. lacking charisma.

Why is my personality so dry? ›

If you have low self-esteem, you might believe that you don't have anything interesting to add to conversations. This can result in hesitating to speak up. People with low self-esteem might also speak in a way that makes it seem like they have a dry personality.

What are the 3 types of personality disorders? ›

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) Borderline personality disorder (BPD) Histrionic personality disorder.

What are the warning signs of personality disorder? ›

Common signs of a personality disorder include:
  • strange or erratic behaviour.
  • suspicion and distrust.
  • taking risks.
  • extreme mood swings (angry outbursts)
  • difficulty with relationships.
  • problems at school or work.
  • need for instant gratification.

Why I dont know who I am? ›

If feeling like you don't know who you are is creating significant distress or making it difficult to function normally, you should consider talking to a doctor or mental health professional. Problems with identity can play a role in: Anxiety. Depression.

Why am I so insecure about my personality? ›

The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity.

What is a personality deficiency? ›

Overview. A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people.

How do I know my real personality? ›

6 Steps to Discover Your True Self
  1. Be quiet. You cannot and will not be able to discover yourself until you take the time to be still. ...
  2. Realize who you truly are, not who you want to be. ...
  3. Find what you are good at (and not good at). ...
  4. Find what you are passionate about. ...
  5. Ask for feedback. ...
  6. Assess your relationships.
3 Jul 2021

Can personality be improved? ›

Contrary to what you may think, you can improve your personality! We now know that not only can we improve the personality, but we can also develop it in ways we previously did not understand, or believe possible! Until quite recently it was believed that personality is permanent.

How long does it take to build personality? ›

But it takes minimum 5 to 6 months that too with proper guidance , training and most crucial is to get trained by an expert.

What is the most difficult personality type? ›

The short answer: INFJ (Introverted-Intuitive-Feeling-Judgment) is the most complex Myers-Briggs Personality Type.

How can I stop being dry and boring? ›

How To Not Be A Dry Texter – 15 Tips
  1. Don't take too long to reply. ...
  2. Avoid one-word responses. ...
  3. Have a purpose. ...
  4. Use emojis/GIFs/memes. ...
  5. Ask interesting questions. ...
  6. Have a sense of humor. ...
  7. Read between the lines. ...
  8. Flirt a little.
20 Jul 2021

What is the most difficult personality to deal with? ›

Here's a look at five of the most challenging personalities Orloff has encountered, and how to manage them effectively:
  1. Narcissists. Narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance and crave constant attention and praise, Orloff explains. ...
  2. Passive-Aggressive Types. ...
  3. Gossips. ...
  4. Anger Addicts. ...
  5. Guilt Trippers.
5 May 2014

What is the most common personality disorder? ›

Borderline personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder are the most frequently diagnosed personality disorders.

What is the main cause of personality disorders? ›

If you have been given a personality disorder diagnosis you are more likely than most people to have experienced difficult or traumatic experiences growing up, such as: neglect. losing a parent or experiencing a sudden bereavement. emotional, physical or sexual abuse.

Is ADHD a personality disorder? ›

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are both recognized mental health conditions. However, BPD is a personality disorder, while ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder.

What are the 2 most common personality disorders? ›

According to a major study, the most prevalent personality disorder is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. The second most common is narcissistic personality disorder, followed by borderline personality disorder.

What age do personality disorders start? ›

Most personality disorders begin in the teen years when your personality further develops and matures. As a result, almost all people diagnosed with personality disorders are above the age of 18.

Why do I feel like I don't even know myself? ›

There can be a multitude of reasons why you don't know yourself. You may not know who you are because you may not be fully aware of your values, beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts. You're not paying attention to how you feel, what you are thinking, what you're saying, or how you're acting.

Why do I feel like I can't be myself around anyone? ›

Half the reason most of us can't be ourselves around others is that deep down we are not really sure who we really are. We've spent too much of our life shifting ourselves to match what others want. Commit to getting to know yourself. Journalling is a great place to start.

How do you fix personal insecurity? ›

10 tips to overcome insecurities
  1. Confront your feelings rather than avoid them.
  2. Have a growth mindset and set solid goals.
  3. Prepare yourself for setbacks but don't let them control you.
  4. Embrace all of your characteristics and passions.
  5. Challenge your negative thoughts and think critically.
25 Feb 2022

What is the root of insecurity? ›

Insecurity may stem from a traumatic event, crisis such as divorce or bankruptcy, or a loss. It can also result from one's environment, as unpredictability or upset in daily life can cause anxiety and insecurity about ordinary, routine events.

What are the 7 personality disorders? ›

The main personality disorders in this category are listed below.
  • Paranoid personality disorder. ...
  • Schizoid personality disorder. ...
  • Schizotypal personality disorder. ...
  • Antisocial personality disorder. ...
  • Borderline personality disorder. ...
  • Histrionic personality disorder. ...
  • Narcissistic personality disorder. ...
  • Avoidant personality disorder.

What are the Big 5 personality disorders? ›

The specific personality disorder diagnoses that can be derived from this model include antisocial, avoidant, borderline, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, and schizotypal personality disorders [1].

What are the 4 types of personality? ›

The four temperament theory is a proto-psychological theory which suggests that there are four fundamental personality types: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, and phlegmatic.

How do I know myself better? ›

Questions to help you know yourself better:
  1. What are my strengths?
  2. What are my short-term goals? Long-term goals?
  3. Who matters most to me? Who are my support people?
  4. What am I ashamed of?
  5. What do I like to do for fun?
  6. What new activities am I interested in or willing to try?
  7. What am I worried about?
  8. What are my values?
26 Apr 2016

› Am-I-the-only-one-dont-know-... ›

Hi there, ^_^ It's good that you're here asking this question. It means you're on your way seeking answers for yourself, GOOD ! I want you to know y...
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Why do I feel like I have a different personality? ›

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) A mental health condition, people with dissociative identity disorder (DID) have two or more separate personalities. These identities control a person's behavior at different times.

What borderline personality feels like? ›

A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions. When something happens in a relationship that makes them feel abandoned, criticized, or rejected, their symptoms are expressed.

Can you change if you have a personality disorder? ›

The American Psychiatric Association has long viewed personality disorders "as very carved in stone, that once you have a personality disorder, it stays with you throughout your life, that there's not much you can do about it," he tells WebMD.

Does personality change with age? ›

Personality may change somewhat over time, but not greatly. These changes do not seem to be systematically related to thinking skills or other common changes we experience in ageing. This suggests that we can retain our individuality as we age. Don't worry about your personality.

Why do I think there is something wrong with me? ›

Sometimes the feeling of there being something wrong with you can originate in low self-esteem or low self-worth. Whether or not this feeling reflects reality isn't really important; it's your perception of yourself that impacts your mindset.

How do I know if I'm borderline? ›

They will diagnose you with BPD if you have at least five of the symptoms below. Extreme reactions to feeling abandoned. Confused feelings about your self-image or your sense of identity. Regular self-harming, suicidal threats or behaviour.

Do borderlines cry a lot? ›

Compared to non-patients, BPD patients showed the anticipated higher crying frequency despite a similar crying proneness and ways of dealing with tears. They also reported less awareness of the influence of crying on others.

What are borderline attracted to? ›

Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.


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