My husband will be 60 tomorrow. He does nothing but lie in bed all day. I have to do it all. Am I right in thinking it's time for a nursing home? (2023)

See -1 more reply

Any time abuse is involved - and this is abuse - you need to put distance between you and your abuser. How you do that is up to you.

You can kick him out. Yes, that's a possibility. Unfortunately most women who have this thought think, "OMG, I can't do that becasue what would he do? Where would he live? Who would take care of him?" This is because we've been brainwashed to think that we must take care of everyone. But you know what? He'd be just fine without you to empty his urinal. He can either do it himself or find someone else to do it. That person doesn't have to be you. Nowhere in the marriage vows did you say that you'd empty his urinal and agree to be called vile names.

You can leave. "But what would I do? I have nowhere to go!" Yup, that's the usual thought. You may have relatives from whom you can rent a room. You may be able to get your own house or apartment, depending on your circumstances. You may have a friend who would welcome sharing a house - there are people looking for roommates with the cost of everything rising, There are shelters for abused women, and I recommend that you call a hotline for abused women so they can advise you of such places near you. You should have the phone numbers of several such organizations on speed dial on your phone. Do that right now.

I'd vote for kicking him out. Then it's up to him to take further steps in one way or the other.

Whatever you do, have no contact with him at all afterward. Your health will become better, I'm sure of that. Good luck in getting rid of this creep. He doesn't deserve you.

See -1 more reply

IMO all your ailments may improve by divorcing him. Stress contributes to most of your problems. Blood pressure, strokes, anxiety, PTSD. Stress is not good for diabetics raises the sugar.

I would go to a divorce lawyer and find out what your options are. But divorce is the way I would go. Thats the only way you can break free from him. I think your health will improve.

See -1 more reply

See -1 more reply

budbud, Everyone is correct in saying a nursing home would likely not be an option but I understand why you are looking for an out. While you didnt' say much, I can hear your desperation. Does he drink? I'm not sure who works to pay the bills but this sounds like an awful situation and I agree with the advice of FunkyGrandma & Grandma1954. You need to protect yourself. No one deserves to be abused. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
I also agree with Countrymouse and it's clear you need help and more help than an online forum can provide. But the good folks here can and will make many helpful suggestions. Pick one and move on it. Try to extricate yourself from this awful situation just as quickly as possible.

I find it disgusting that he pees in a bucket. Of course, you should not clean his mess. It's one thing to do for someone who loves you but with him saying F-you all the time.... Whew!

See -1 more reply

From the OP's profile page about her husband:

I am caring for my husband john, who is 59 years old, living at home with anxiety, depression, hearing loss, mobility problems, and sleep disorder. He is on 3 litlers of 02, a- fib, an among other things. ALLHE DOES ALL DAY LONG IS STAY IN THE BED, HE D0ES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ALL DAY. THE ONLY TIME HE GETS UP ISTO EAT. HE PEES IN A BUCKET, I HAVE TO DO EVERTHINGI I AM TIRED. HIS ROOM SMELLS, HE WON'T CLEAN IT. And I AM NOT GOING TO CLEAN HIS ROOM. HE MENTALLY ABUSES ME, HE HAS A VERY FIFTHY MOUTH.HIS FAVORITE WORD IF F WORD. HE DOES NOT GO OUT OF THE HOUSE. I HAVE TO GET HIS MEDICINE FOR HIMsee less

And about herself:
OK I WILL BE 65 IN MarcH I HAVE HAD TWO STROKES, I HAVE PTSD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, MY BLOOD PRESSUREIS NOT CONTROLLED. DIABETES, HIGH CHOLRSTEROL, INCONTINENCE, SLEEP APNEA, THROID, RLS, and Event Recorder, Cardiac (Implantable), I am sorry I can't keep doing this.

They're both too young for their health conditions to be strictly age-related, not that that makes things any better for either of them. But I think their issues probably go back too far and are too complicated for us to suggest anything useful.

Budbud, who else is there in your healthcare or family network?

See -1 more reply

budbud, I read your husband's profile [it shows up when one places the arrow over the word husband] and it says anxiety, depression, hearing loss, mobility problems, and sleep disorder.

Please note, none of those health issues would be a reason to be accepted by a nursing home. Maybe Assisted Living if your husband can afford the monthly rent to live in a senior facility.

How long have you been doing things for your husband that he should be doing for himself? You need to make a list of everything, and I mean everything, that you do for your husband. Now cross off half of the items. Now cross off a couple more things. Stick to that new list. If hubby complains, that's his problem not yours.

You do not want to be doing everything for him for the next 20-30 years. In fact, what if something happens to you.... then what would hubby do?

See 1 more reply

See -1 more reply

See -1 more reply

See -1 more reply

See -1 more reply